This post is directly inspired by Mel Robbins’ podcast episode on creating a Personal Admin Day. Mel sets out a rather brilliant strategy for getting the personal admin done (you know, Dr. appointments, trips to the DMV, returns, donations etc. etc. etc.) - and it was soooooo good, I had to apply the concepts to networking busy work.

What follows is not networking in the abstract of “give give get” principles. It’s a structure to take action - establishing blocks of time for critical relationship-building and maintenance tasks that are oh so easy to postpone - and frankly, are foolish to continue to overlook or ignore.

Networking Task Attack is designed to tackle all the “I should reach out to .…” stuff.

Why this works

• Networking gets delayed when it doesn’t feel urgent. And this is a mistake.

• The small networking stuff isn’t sexy. That’s why we put it off. But the small stuff packs a punch. It’s the stuff that truly matters: actions such as a meaningful thank-you note or thoughtful follow-up or the unprompted passing along of information, reveal more about who you are as person (and whether someone should place their trust in you), than say, one conversation at a gala dinner or a single 15-minute speed mentoring session.

• In her personal admin day podcast episode, Mel makes a point that is rather useful in the context of networking: the mental drag in not doing the task (such as sending a follow-up note) then fretting about not having done the task, is a heavy cognitive load to keep carrying around. Why unnecessarily clog up all this brain space! Rather than wasting time and energy in the not doing, block out time to do the doing.

Instead of vaguely promising yourself you’ll “be better at networking,” assign each networking task to a time slot.

One Ground Rule

This time blocking approach equally applies whether you’re an extrovert or introvert. So don’t indulge in a networking identity crisis. No overthinking who you are, what your brand is, or whether you are “doing networking right.”

You do not need a better personality for networking. You need a better recurring system.

✅ Start with a Networking Brain Dump

Time: 15-45 minutes. Depends on how many networking tasks you have allowed to pile up. If you’re a champion procrastinator, allocate a little more time to this task.

Wrack your brain. Review your calendar. Scan your emails, text messages, and social accounts.Write down every networking task that is floating around, unfinished, such as:

• people to reply to

• people to thank

• people to follow up with

• people to reconnect with

• LinkedIn messages to answer

• outreach you keep postponing

• introductions to make

• introductions to request

• people to congratulate

• articles/resources to send

• events to research

• people to invite

• meeting to schedule

• loose networking ends from the past month (i.e. group to join, volunteers project to sign-up for etc.)

The aim here is not completeness or precision. The point is getting the mental clutter onto the page where it can be dealt with instead of having it chattering away in your head and holding you back from taking useful action.

A suggestion on the brain dump: do this task late one afternoon or early evening - you know, a time of day when you may be kicking yourself for not having done the thing (again) or equally, could brush it off as “too late” to take action (again). Clear your mind by dumping it on your list. As this is a dump, no judgment allowed.

✅ Bundle + Calendar Brain Dump Tasks

Time: 15–20 minutes

What you do

• Review your brain dump.

• Highlight items that can be done in under 10 minutes (i.e. RSVP’g to the invitation you meant to RSVP to last week and haven’t).

• Put an asterisk* beside items that needing more time to complete (i.e. researching a conference you’re considering attending).

• Underline the networking follow-up, follow-through and circle back you’ve been avoiding.

• Circle the nice-to-do non-mission critical networking activities.

• Pull up your calendar. Block separate time slots for the tasks you have highlighted, put an asterisk* beside, and underlined. Those circled items? Park them - for now.

• Wondering how much time and when to dedicate for each bundle of highlighted, asterick* or underlined items?
  
  Here’s my general rule of thumb:
  
  💡 Give highlighted items a daily 10 minutes time slot.
  
  💡 Items with an asterisk*, dedicate a 1-hour time slot each week for this research and fact-finding work.
  
  💡 If you’ve underlined something, it’s an indication that it’s a priority item, so make sure you slot 30 minutes every couple of days of prime time for these underlined items.
  
  💡 Every second week review those items you circled to see if they should be moved to a highlighted, asterisk* or underline time slot.

Creating time slots is about moving tasks off your list, not for marveling at them. By bundling similar tasks and giving them a dedicated time slot - it improves the prospects of getting this sh#t done.

✅ Follow-up + Follow-thru + Circle Back

Time: 30–45 minutes (depending on the backlog)

Why is are underlined items a priority?

Because this time slot is for conversations that are already in motion - that is, you’ve had a meeting or call or been connected via email.

Task you’ll be doing in this time slot could include: replying to messages you have been sitting on (i.e. an update you promised when you sent the thank you note after a mentoring meeting), or proactive outreach to stay top-of-mind with a prospect (i.e. by sending along an article), or communications to deepen a connection by making “that referral” you mentioned or intro you promised, or to prod someone else into action (i.e. confirming next steps).

This is probably the highest ROI block.

Follow-up is where networking turns into real outcomes. It’s how trust is formed. Too many people think they need more networking opportunities when what they really need is to get better at what happens after the initial interaction. Master the follow-up, follow-thru and circle back, and you’ll truly stand out from the networking crowd.

✅ Suggestion: Create Your JCI List

Time: 60 minutes to create your initial list then 10 minutes a day thereafter

A JCI list is a “just checking in” list. These are the connections you want to stay meaningfully connected to (without pestering them or annoying them with needless requests to grab coffee), as well as people you want to get to know - and want a worthwhile or authentic reason to reach out to them.

Block an hour of initial networking research time to create this list.

For each name on your list, think about jotting down what you know about them (i.e. what you discussed the last time you chatted with them, where you met, what they are working on or causes they care about). Source information about them online (i.e. social media profiles, newsletters or columns or client alerts they publish and the like) and note this beside each name.

Once you have created your list, block 15 minutes a day to work through your JCI list - that is, tackle a couple of names each day, starting at the top and when you’ve worked through all the names, go back up to names at the top of the JCI list, and start all over again. Use what you can find out about a person on that day (this is where the social media profile or newsletter etc. comes in handy) as the inspiration for your outreach. So scan their LinkedIn post or Insta stories. Read their most recent client alert newsletter. By way of example, say you discover from a Facebook update that the person has just received an award. Send along a congratulatory note. That’s it. JCI completed.

✅ Research Those Asterisk* Items

Time: 60 minutes

This 60 minute time slot is for you to research networks, communities, and channels that could be useful to your goals (i.e. conferences, events, committees, associations, industry groups, niche networks) and to use what you find to either take action (i.e. attend the event or join the damn committee already!) or discard any thoughts of attending or joining or participating.

The ultimate aim of this time slot is to properly consider the information flows you’re in: where are you getting career or business information you need? And identifying what information you need and where you need to plug in to get it.

✅ A Weekly 10 Minute Task

At the end of each week, do the following:

• Review and update the Follow-up, Follow-thru and Circle Back list as well as your daily 10-minute task list. Consider whether your JCI list needs a refresh.

• Calendar your next networking research session.

• Quickly scan over the items you’ve circled to see if anything pops out which should be moved onto an action list.

Stop hoping you’ll “get better at networking.”
Plan to do so by scheduling these tasks and getting them done.

📘 My latest book - The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More - is available in paperback (workbook) format on Amazon + Barnes & Noble and in ebook on Kindle, Bookshop.org, Smashwords, Vivlio, Thalia, Apple Books, Fable and Rakuten kobo.

📚 Conference. event, offsite, team building in the works? For bulk orders, get pricing here, on IngramSpark. Personalized copies (yes, you read that right) can also be ordered via IngramSpark.

💡 Book reviews help other readers find the books they should be reading, and I’d love ambitious women to get the networking strategy they need. Review The Social Billionaire on Amazon and/or Goodreads.

🗝️ If you’re planning events designed to boost women’s professional connections, let’s talk, as I’d love insights from The Social Billionaire to be part of these conversation.

A video on LinkedIn is the spark for this networking rant.

In the video - a clip from what looks like a panel discussion - one of the experts on stage is bemoaning how AI written cover letter and resumes are being reviewed and screened by AI driven HR professionals and how, it was necessary to resort to [insert drumroll here] networking! then, the expert went on to say that relying on contacts was somehow an affront to meritocracy in the hiring process....

Yeah. I tuned out after that because WTW.

Networking extensively helped me land a job in attorney training and professional development - a transition (from practicing attorney to law firm manager) that looked relatively straight forward, but in reality was long and hard, outright demoralizing at times. Networking to make that career shift was how I got job leads, feedback on my resume and interview skills, support when yes, I was told once again, that I was “too qualified” for the role I was applying for or conversely was told I was “over qualified” for the role I was applying for.

Ultimately networking was how my merits got into a candidate line I’d otherwise never have been in.

Years later networking in a global business network for women was how my credentials, merits, skills and talents came to the attention of the founder of the network, which lead to becoming the first president of that network, and later, to being asked to co-found a startup accelerator.

Fast forward, if I was seeking a job today - I’d be hustling my networking butt off (intelligently, and intentionally of course). I wouldn’t be relying on an online hiring portal to sift my application out based on its merits, or imagining AI is somehow going to make my credentials standout from the rest of the job-seeking pack.

Need more?

Here are some past posts and rants to help boost your job-seeking prospects:

🤖 Networking Pro-Tip: No Job Posting? No Problem. Land your dream job without waiting for a posting or seeking permission.

🤖 Transitioning from Student to First Job Success Discover how networking can be approached as transformational, rather than as transactional.

🤖 Networking Pro-Tip: Asking for Help With Your Job Search Use this email template to get the helpful leads you need from your network.

🤖 Is it OK to...Build Connections With Prospective Employers When you’re wanting to be proactive, but not pestering when networking for a post-college job, what do you do?

🤖 Networking Task Attack A time blocking strategy for the networking tasks you keep meaning to get to…

📘 My latest book - The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More - is available in paperback (workbook) format on Amazon + Barnes & Noble + Bookshop.org and in ebook on Kindle, Bookshop.org, Smashwords, Vivlio, Thalia, Apple Books, Fable and Rakuten kobo.

📚 Conference. event, offsite, team building in the works? For bulk orders, get pricing here, on IngramSpark. Personalized copies (yes, you read that right) can also be ordered via IngramSpark.

💡 Book reviews help other readers find the books they should be reading, and I’d love ambitious women to get the networking strategy they need. Review The Social Billionaire on Amazon and/or Goodreads.

🗝️ If you’re planning events designed to boost career transitions, job prospects or professional connections, let’s talk, as I’d love insights from The Social Billionaire to be part of your conversation.

A piece run by the BBC recently (A Wimbledon etiquette guide for first-time visitors) is the prompt for this quick post, on well, the benefits of laying out with clarity, the how, when and why of how you like to connect, interact or meet.

The BBC sets out Wimbledon’s rules quite clearly (fail to follow them at your peril).

A conversation I had a number of years ago with a friend working in tech, revealed her company had a novel approach to setting up the employee directory. Rather than just populating each person’s profile with the usual background of skills, department, education, location blah blah blah, the company included a customizable space for each employee to set out their interests, preferences and - drum roll - to share the ways they were available to help (as well as when). Viola! Problem solved if you’re wondering how to reach out to a busy colleague - their profile on the searchable employee directory lays out the how (text vs call vs coffee date vs whatever) and when (their preferred time of day) and what (I mean, pester someone on a topic or networking ask if it’s not something their keen to get involved in).

I’m not sure how many companies do this (ie provide their employees with a way to give social signals on how others in the company should reach out) but frankly, it’s an idea worth stealing if you’re not doing this.

Work for yourself? I’ve seen other friends use their out-of-office message to equal effect. Scroll down to the end for a template based on a recent out-of-office I received.

But what if the shoe is on the other foot.

What if you’re meeting someone for the first time (say a mentor or work colleague) or you’ve spotted someone in a friend’s network you’d like to connect with, and you understand that understanding their rules of engagement, is key. And let’s say you’ve scoped around to find out what you can, and you’re coming up short, and you really really want to connect with them, then here’s what I suggest:

Ask.

Ask the intermediary (if you’re using one for the introduction), what they know about the person (beyond “I see you’re connected to so and so, could you introduce us”. Ask a few more probing and uncomfortable questions instead - “I want to talk to so and so about this, do you think they’d be interested, and if you’re not sure, could you test the ground before making a possible intro” or “I see you know so and so, I’d like to meet them, how do you suggest I go about doing so…”.

Going in cold?

Ask the person you’ve asked to meet their preference - in lieu of defaulting to “I’d like to meet over coffee to chat with you”.

Spell out what you’re seeking, ask if it is something they’d be willing to give you their time on, and if so, what’s the best way to do just that. Their best way to engage, may not be yours, but when it’s their expertise or network or time you’re seeking, IMHO it’s their way which prevails.

Which brings me back to the etiquette rules at Wimbledon.

They may not make sense to you or I however, those are their rules, so adhere to them.

Now keep scrolling, as there are tips, takeaways and templates below.

Networking is not all about you, So if you need more, here’s what I suggest reading next:

1. Networking Pro-Tip: The Unsolicited Email Intro (SubStack)

2. AI Can’t Build Your Network (SubStack)

3. Networking Pro-Tip: Don’t Wait, Anticipate! (SubStack)

4. Build Your Dream Network: Forging Powerful Relationships In A Hyper-Connected World (Penguin Random House)

5. The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More (Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org)

You took copious notes, a few selfies, responded to a few obligatory requests to connect on LinkedIn while sitting through 3-days of keynotes, talks and panels, and now, you’re thinking to yourself - WTF are you doing with all that inspiration? And all the potential in the connections you posted, shimmied and shined alongside?

Here’s your action list, whether the conference or event was last week, or last month:

1. Scan those notes you took. Glance over the conference agenda. Reach into the bottom of your pockets for any business cards you collected. In other words, refresh your memory on who you talked to, and fire off a quick “it was great to talk to you at XYZ” email.

2. Comb through the social media posts from the event organizer, are there opportunities to connect you’ve missed (see bullet point above)? If so, this is your opportunity to course correct.

3. Remember the networking golden rule of giving, not just taking. What’s your post-event give? How about adding your take on a session or keynote in a comment on someone else’s post from the event? Or amplifying their post to your network with a repost?

4. Bring non-attendees into the conversation by sharing a useful resource or idea or insight sparked by the event, or conversations you had at the event. This can be as simple as a ”I attended XYZ recently, and this session made me think of you...” email or a summary of the value of the event circulated to colleagues or offering to lead a lunch & learn or small group discussion to share learnings.

5. Return to the list of names you sent off “It was great to talk to you at XYZ” emails to - and dive deeper into how to connect meaningfully with them, so a one time encounter has the chance of evolving into an ongoing relationship.
   
   How to connect deeply?
   
   It’s definitely not by asking for a coffee date or Zoom meeting, IMHO.
   
   A brilliant example of how to move one time “there could be something here” encounters into meaningful connections, is activist, actor and non-profit thought leader Erin Cronican’s case study of networking prowess during 2020. While Erin needed to devise a way to meaningfully connect online - all her networking previously was IRL - her method of approaching networking with potentially valuable new connections, applies equally IRL and online. Find Erin’s case study in the Build Your Dream Network book bonus (free 74-page PDF download), read it and follow her example.

AND whatever you do, however you choose to reach out, ensure it is you, and not some AI generated slop. Nothing will cause the goodwill you created at the gathering of like-minds to dissipate faster than receiving a generic communication crafted in haste without context, meaning, or an ounce of humanity.

Need more? Then may I suggest reading:

• Before You Hit Connect…Read these Six Pro-Tips First (Substack)

• The 5-4-3-2-1 Framework (Substack)

• Build Your Dream Network: Forging Powerful Relationships In A Hyper-Connected World (Penguin Random House)

• The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More (Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org)

And one more thing….

I'm attending Collective[i]'s upcoming Forecast session featuring Bruce Feiler, NYT bestselling author and researcher on ritual, belonging, and human connection.

Date: Wednesday, July 15 | 3:30–5:00 PM ET

Join me! Register here.

How to start a conversation...how to break the ice...how to make small talk...how to strike fear in a networking neophyte’s heart (ok, and perhaps a few experienced networkers too).

Relief is on the way (and not in the form of ridiculous “ice breaker” questions to memorize) - courtesy of Matt Abrahams, an author and lecturer in organisational behaviour at Stanford University.

Structure your small talk in three simple questions:

What? The “what” is a product, idea, service, belief. Or it could be as simple as the reason why you and the other person are attending an event (”what brings you here this evening?“).

So what? The “so what”, is what is important to the person you’re talking to (”why is being part of this group or hearing from this speaker or learning more about this topic, important to you?‘).

Now what? This is what comes next based the information contained in the “what/so what” answers. It could be sharing an example, or taking questions or suggesting a course of action (”thanks for sharing, that’s been my experience too...“ or “interesting, can I ask you a couple more questions about that?“).

📖 My new book - The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More - is full of exercises, reflections, and networking prescriptions to help you network your ambitions. Grab your copy - along with a pen.

Order Copies for Your Next Event

💡 If you’re planning events designed to boost women’s professional connections, let’s talk, as I’d love insights from The Social Billionaire to be part of these conversation.

Learn more (as clearly, there is a lot to be said on this subject of small talk):

🗝️ From Time Magazine: “New research suggests the topics people tend to dismiss as small talk—the weather, their neighbor’s cats, the stock market—may actually be the key to feeling more connected.”

🗝️ Small talk is an art, not a triviality. Here’s how you can master it (Psyche)

🗝️ To avoid ‘awkward, superficial’ small talk, make one little change, says communication expert (CNBC)

🗝️ A guide to mastering small talk with just about anyone, according to experts (CNN)

🗝️ To have deeper conversations, try being more of an asshole (Psyche)

🗝️ How A Conversation With A Stranger Can Bring Perspective And Joy (Does This Make Sense)

🗝️ The Elements of Meaningful Conversation: Fewer Mirror Questions, More Follow-Ups (HBS Working Knowledge)

🗝️ Science Says Talking to Strangers Will Make You Happier: 5 Tips to Get Better at It (Inc.)

🗝️ The new rules of small talk: how to nail every conversation, from first dates to weddings, parties and funerals (The Guardian)

AI confession time: I’m a writer, and I use AI.

AI is my junior analyst, researcher or intern.

I give it detailed instructions - very detailed instructions - and send it off to sort, sift, seek out, suggest - you know, undertake some of the time consuming tasks of being a writer, other than the actual writing, which need to be done.

And like any good, inexperienced, eager new hire, AI wants to be helpful, and needs to be managed (well), and I get a lot of shitty first-passes but even that’s better than starting from scratch (most of the time).

In short, delegating to AI has been helpful, really quite helpful.

Recently, I’ve expanded my AI universe, and I started poking around in NotebookLM, feeding it research, turning notebooks into little subject-matter experts, all in preparation for an upcoming interview, and that interaction has prompted this post.

So here’s what I did.

I created a new notebook and dumped in a bunch of research - along with the manuscript for my book - then prompted it to search the web for new (more) sources, and finally, asked it this question:

How can AI actually enhance the way we build human connections?

The answer was what I hoped for.

That is, I wasn’t fed a “Stupid hooman! Sit back and relax. AI can do your networking for you“ response.

Imagine that! The kid is smarter than I imagined.

No, the thorough analysis confirmed — thorough because it was based on 50+ online sources (articles, studies etc.) along with yes, my own biased POV (books, blogs, newsletters) — the reason AI can’t replace your networking instincts is the very same reason so many people suck at networking in the first place: the real human work hasn’t been done, first.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

The Human Work AI Can’t Accomplish

Let’s dial it back for a second and talk about why we dread networking.

Networking is typically dreaded because...because it involves human emotions and far too often we embark on our networking efforts with a mindset of desperation, fear, lack, scarcity or urgency (or all of the above).

And while it’s a very human mindset, it’s the wrong mindset to have when networking.

It’s a mindset that immediately leads to poor decisions, lousy, self-focused interactions, and zero meaningful outcomes.

How to counteract that mindset?

Well, it’s why in The Social Billionaire I almost immediately ask the reader to undertake a deep, reflective networking task - a network audit — a task that they likely never have done before.

Why?

To slow them down from a panic or rush to get out and network.

And because there is another networking reality: most of us are sitting on a wealth of relationships (or hopefully we are not such self-centered jerks that no-one will return a call or lend us a hand). And in the process of completing the audit, readers of The Social Billionaire discover existing connections they’ve entirely forgotten or allowed to lapse or carelessly overlooked (as many people do so no shame, I’m just emphasizing the plain old simple reality of being human).

But the networking audit is not just about understanding all the relationships one has - it’s about how those connections came to be.

And this is likely the bigger aha! of the chapter.

As a bonus (as if discovering forgotten connections and reflecting on your role in forming those networks was not enough) completing the exercises, and exploring the four layers outlined in the network audit (Your Go-To’s, Close Yet Not Quite BFFs, Your Wider Net, and Past Networks) blows-up the fear, panic, scarcity mindset - simply because it shines a bright light on the wealth of social capital already in our networks (sort of like finding a forgotten $20 in the back pocket of your jeans).

And that my friends, is where your networking efforts should be directed first - on understanding your social capital account balance and once you know your social capital account balance, AI can help.

That is, AI actually becomes terrifically useful in sorting & sourcing, your network.

AI Action Plan

Here’s an AI action plan (after you’ve completed the manual networking audit): leverage tools like intelligence.com or ChatGPT Enterprise or Gemini to further mine your own networking history — calendar exports, LinkedIn data, email patterns — and to surface more of the connections you’ve already got, or you’re developing, that your conscious brain has tuned out (hey, we can’t remember every person we’ve met or even the names of those we work alongside routinely!).

Remember: the manual network audit has to come first.

Why?

For those eager to outsource the work of networking here’s why.

Because you need to think about who you’re connecting with and why, how you’re connected to them (and when that came about), and how you interacted with them (and perhaps, what you spoke about) - as gathering all this information will help you create better prompts to feed AI and will enable you to critically review what AI tosses up as networking suggestions (‘cause imagine that, AI does like to make things up and running off to network based on a bunch of misdirected answers isn’t going to serve you very well, is it?).

Download TSB Chapter 2

Networks Have Structural Holes (To Identify Them, Turn to AI)

Let me go network geek on you for just a moment.

One networking concept kept popping up in the network research I fed Notebook LM for analysis: structural holes.

WTW

Structural holes are the gaps or empty spaces between groups in a network, the disconnected places where information gets stuck (and may never reach you).

For example. Let’s say you’re sitting in one network cluster and the opportunity you’re seeking — a board seat, a collaborator, a client — is sitting in another. If there is a structural hole between you and the desired opportunity - that lack of a connection between the network clusters (where you are and where you want to be) can be fatal to gaining or pursuing that opportunity you’re seeking. Doh!

But when are structural holes in networks real? And when are they imagined?

Back to that damn network audit exercise (again).

I included questions regarding Past Networks in the networking audit for a good reason.

Former classmates, early-career choices, internships, volunteer roles, working groups, committees, clubs, teams...all the networks you’ve filed under “that was another life, no need for those now“ — well, those connections could be gold. They may just be the missing link - the person to fill that big old network gap (the one standing between you and career nirvana).

And this is where AI (again) can genuinely help.

For example, tools like intelligence.com can show you people you’ve genuinely interacted with (in some way, shape or form) and reveal how they’re connected with where you’re headed (so yeah, you may just have that warm introduction you currently think you don’t have, sitting there waiting to be tapped!), or there’s Perplexity which can connect your past networking data to current market trends, showing you where your old connections and your current ambitions may actually overlap. Imagine that, imagine how that could improve your prospecting.

Then let’s say you do have a real gap in your network. A big bold glaring one.

Now what?

Use AI to widely research conferences, events, online communities to narrow down the list of the ones which are worth investing your valuable networking time, or to tell you which ones should be investigated further or to source connections in your network who have attended these conference and events (so you can revert to using the old school research and networking technique of asking someone a question like “how valuable was the XYZ conference last year, Ted?).

AI may even give you a solid list of questions to use as you’re making inquiries about attending a networking, or before you get deeply involved in an industry association - if you provide it with the right prompt.

And the right prompt, depends on what you need.

If you’re expecting a generic prompt into AI - a prompt lacking the specifics of your background - to deliver up relevant networking solutions for you, I’m afraid you - not AI - are the one hallucinating.

The Relationship Revolution

We’re in the midst of a human relationship revolution and AI is just another tool for your networking toolkit. Use it, but don’t be led by it. Lead instead with your critical thinking skills, your creativity and your empathy - aka your uniquely human attributes.

Indiscriminate AI adoption and sloppy AI usage highlights the need to lean into our uniqueness, to invest the time to connect authentically, to value relationship quality over quantity, to leap on chances to grow our social capital (even when it’s time consuming - and it will be, most of the time), and to choose to engage with each other in ways that build trust (which is definitely something AI, even the charmer Claude or the sycophant ChatGPT, cannot do).

Need more?

🤖 Join Collective[i] on April 29 for What AI Can’t Fake and The Rise of the Relationship Economy

“Careers are not built on resumes alone. They are built on relationships, referrals and the kind of trust that only comes from human connection.“

💡 Why the most valuable skill at work might be talking to strangers (Smart Brief)

🚀 Order The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org (or place a customized or bulk order on IngramSpark). For ebooks you can also find The Social Billionaire on Smashwords, Apple Books, Thalia, Kobo, Fable, Vivlio, and Hoopla.

Order on Amazon

🗝️ If you’re planning events designed to boost women’s professional connections, let’s connect, as I’d love the insights, strategies and tools from The Social Billionaire to be part of your conversation.

I’m a networking strategist, and author who has spent her career making the case that the right relationships change everything. Behind all my posts and musings are years of research, extensive client work on the power of social capital, and my personal experience - that is, my own hard-won reinvention to the subject. The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More - is my second book on networks — and my most personal.

Order on Bookshop.org

I received an email from a VC last week asking if I had the time to chat with his daughter to chat about her next career move. He did not include his daughter in the initial outreach - she was included in an email only after I had enthusiastically said yes. The yes, was fast because his daughter is fabulous. The yes was easy, because, yeah, no assumptions - as in no assumption that I was available, capable or willing to meet.

And this recent experience was the prompt for re-posting a networking tip I’ve dished out before.

The “you two should know each other” email (or the “dump and drive” as I refer to it) may JUST be one of the world’s greatest networking irritations.

I’m not joking on this one.

When I was writing my first book, I asked around to see how others felt about these types of unsolicited introductions— and the irritation of seeing a “hey, X meet Y thought you two should know each other“ type email in their inbox, was expressed in what I can only describe as rather “colorful” ways.

To get to the point: always ask before you introduce.

Always.

Not most of the time or when you remember. Make always asking the rule, and not the very, very, very rare exception.

Always ask their permission first, and give them detail and background about why you are making the introduction.

Pulling from Build Your Dream Network (in the Chapter of Networking #Fail), so you know it’s not just me who thinks this way:

Back in March 2013, First Round Capital’s Chris Fralic wrote a post for Forbes.com on the topic of e-mailing busy people (like venture partners). I still refer people to Chris’s timeless post, “The Art of the Email Introduction: 10 Rules for Emailing Busy People.” As Chris states in rule 1, “The Ask”:

Sometimes it makes sense to just make the introduction when asked, but in most cases I think it’s a best practice to ask for and receive permission before an introduction is made. This makes it a choice for the recipient and doesn’t create an obligation.

📖 My new book - The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More - is full of exercises, reflections, and networking prescriptions to help you network your ambitions. Grab your copy - along with a pen. And when you've read it — an honest 5-star Amazon and/or Goodreads review would mean a great deal. Reviews are how books get found - and I'd like more women to find this book.

Request Bulk Order Pricing

📘 The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More is available in paperback (workbook) format on Amazon + Barnes & Noble and in ebook on Kindle, Bookshop.org, Smashwords, Vivlio, Thalia, Apple Books, Fable and Rakuten kobo.

🗝️ If you’re planning events designed to boost women’s professional connections, let’s talk, as I’d love insights from The Social Billionaire to be part of these conversation.

Networking gets a bad rap because...it’s a self-focused activity undertaken in the company of others.

And sometimes in our anxiety to make a good impression or in the stress of wanting to do a good job or getting a call back, we become immensely tangled looking inward that we completely forget that networking is a two-way street!

It involves other people, not simply our needs, desired outcomes etc.

So to break out of your networking fixation on yourself, start thinking about what the other person needs:

1. For example. You’ve requested a chat with a mentor. Why don’t you send over the topic(s) you want their guidance on in advance of the chat, rather than springing it on them when you actually meet. The upside for them, they can start thinking about answers, and calculating the real length of time needed for the discussion.

2. Another example. Your boss schedules a weekly team meeting. Can you offer to gather responses or agenda items? What about following up on the items from a prior meeting? Can you report outcomes or send along additional ideas (rather than your boss having to ask or inquire).

3. And another example. Between assignments or deals, can you forward information of interest to a client (could be about them, or a competitor or their industry).

Look around. Observe what others are working on, scrambling to complete, sweating out the details on. Think about creating opportunities to connect with a “if it was me, trying to complete what they are working on, what would I need right about now?“.

Don’t simply wait for opportunities, or to be asked, proactively create connections by anticipating needs.

The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More is available now in paperback (workbook) and ebook format.

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Five suggestions, actions step, items for your networking to-do list this week, all based on Chapter 2 (Networks: Who Resolves Around Your Ambitions?) from my next book The Social Billionaire.

1. One goal.

2. Two action steps.

3. Three networking interactions.

4. Four F’s.

5. Five at your side.

One Goal

What’s your number one? What is it that matters? What’s are you’re striving for? Sure you’re likely have many goals - but what really is the number one priority?

Goal setting suggestion, read over: Why Staying Focused Is Your Networking Superpower before writing down your goal.

Two Action Steps

Action steps give goals momentum. And checking a goal off your to-do list surely means you’ve taken many many action steps - which can be overwhelming to think about, so let’s keep it simple, and strategic: What are two action steps can you take this week towards your one goal?

Need motivation to see how small steps add up? Read: The Size Of The Next Step Doesn’t Matter

Three Networking Interactions

We get things done with the help of other people. Who will you touch base with this week? Where will you introduce yourself? How can you help others - and yourself?

If the thought of networking terrifies you, then I suggest reading Networking Is Dead. Long Live Networking!

Give Four F’s

✅ Fine tune (glance over your networking commitments, which of your networking choices need a refresh or revamp?)

✅ Foll0w-up (who have you met or corresponded with recently, and based on these interactions, who should you check-in or circle back, with?)

✅ Follow-thru (who do you need to keep in the loop? who’s been left dangling after providing an intro or lead or opportunity?)

✅ Forecast (who in the coming week(s) do you need to reach out to with a follow-up or follow-thru. Make a list and mark-it down as one of your 3 networking interactions for next week...)

Five At Your Side

Who are the 5 people you have on speed-dial (or speed-text)? When you need professional advice, career guidance, a missed-step pick-me-up or business hard truth, who comes to mind.

Write down your 5.

Then ask yourself...how can these 5 help with the one goal I’ve set for this week? Do they have relevant experience? Are they a wise mentor with a unique perspective or a highly connected friend who will take action to make those connections?

Do you have the right 5 at your side or is there some fine tuning of the 5 that needs to happen?

Give each network (and each networking connection) the right job to do. Read Strong Networks Have Layers.

Get Clear On Your Network

Download Chapter 2 (Networks: Who Revolves Around Your Ambitions?) and complete the exercises in the chapter. Don’t get intimidated - the chapter is 11 pages long, 1.5 pages of text and the rest is reflective exercises, where the only wrong answer is not completing the exercises.

ICYMI - this post originally appeared in my newsletter sent out on November 18, 2025.

Networking should be simple: connect, be helpful, follow through. But right now, we’re messier than usual.

That’s why the networking advice that actually lands isn’t about clever hacks or engagement tricks — it’s about remembering how to be human.

What actually builds a network? Not hustle. Not hacks. Just regular reminders to be human.

Here are a few recent networking pro-tips to guide you:

Stop Googling. Start Observing.

The best networkers listen before they leap into action.

The money quote: "Before reaching out, stop, look and listen. What is the person you're seeking to cultivate a connection with sharing? What's on their mind? Where are they focused? The best networking hack isn't hacking a short-cut, it's paying attention and putting in the time." Read more.

Skip the Dump + Drive

Most people treat their network like an inbox, not a relationship. That’s why thoughtful updates — followed by real follow-through — matter.

The reality check: "Your network isn't a bulletin board. It's a relationship. And relationships need care — not just announcements. Don't turn an update into an ending — when it has the potential of opening up your network so much more." Read more.

No Job Posting? No Problem.

You don't need a job listing to start networking for your next opportunity. The most powerful career moves can happen unexpectedly, before the role even exists — all because you've shown someone what you bring to the table.

The power move: "Land your dream job without waiting for a posting or seeking permission." Read more.

What You Do Daily Matters Most

You don't build a strong network by showing up once with fanfare. You build it by showing up consistently — often quietly, in unobtrusive ways.

The unsexy truth: "Consistency wins the race. Treat networking like flossing — boring, necessary, effective." Read more.

How To Be Sorry

When you screw up, own it. Then move on.

The essential framework: "Be transparent with your apology. Acknowledge your regret at wasting the other person's time. Don't belabor the point! Move on!" Read more.

How To Avoid Being Tongue Tied

Every small talk moment holds the possibility of a more meaningful connection — if you're willing to stay in it.

The conversation starter: "Every innocuous 'hello, how do you know...?' small talk ice-breaker holds the possibility of a bigger, more meaningful conversation. Don't shy away from small talk — there is always the promise of transforming idle banter into something bigger." Read more.

The pattern? The best networkers aren’t perfect. They’re just consistent, curious, and decent. Revolutionary, right?

Oh, Noah {NAME OF SENDER OF THE EMAIL BELOW}

I don’t know whether to laugh (hysterically) or cry (with laughter), regardless, if you are perchance reading this post, dear Noah (and you are a real person):

• don’t hold your breath waiting for my response to your email.

• this post is what I think is best, no email or phone call is necessary.

• if this is how you represent your brand via mass “targeted” email…well, the mind boggles on what you’d for my brand.

  [For all other readers of this post, who are not Noah, well, below is exactly, as in exactly, what Noah sent to me, and well, I don’t recommend you follow his example, unless you’re seeking to make a resounding flop of a potential connection or a lousy first impression].

Hi ,

We'd love to be featured in [ARTICLE/POST/LIST OF TOOLS] [ARTICLE NAME WITH LINK TO IT]. Our [TOOL/PRODUCT/SERVICE] might make a great addition to your page.

We can discuss the conditions of this collaboration via email or phone - whichever works best for you.

Let me know what you think.

[YOUR NAME], [YOUR POSITION] at [COMPANY NAME]

Yes, I’m off on another rant - addressed to those sending the same “ask” email to every f’g person in their contact list.

I know, sometimes you have to go wide - searching or reaching into the bowels and depths and dusty corners of your network - to see if someone in there may just have an answer for you. And that is what you’re seeking. An answer. And if your immediate networking cohort of trusty, fail-proof friends have, well, failed to come through - then you reach deeper (or give up - but giving up is not why we’re having this discussion).

The error is not that you’re sending an ask to every f’g person you know, the error is in the framing of the ask. A generic aka non-specific ask is not the type of request for information/help/guidance/assistance/recommendation/intro/lead anyone (other than your nearest and dearest, most trusted BFFs who know one day in the very near future, they will ask you to return the favor, or a lovingly patient relative who still believes everything you do is wonderful) is going to spend a hot half-second contemplating (let alone answering).

Case in point, this email I received:

Hi Kelly,

Just thought I would share some updates on ______________________. We recently did a site redesign that better portrays our content focus. Let me know what. you think. Also, we recently confirmed our first affiliate relationships with _______ companies to drive ____________ commission revenue, and sold our first advertising contracts.

We are looking for early stage investors, so please let me know if any come to mind. I have attached our updated investor deck.

Happy holiday season to you!

Best,

By all means! draw up a list of “other than the usual suspects” or “haven’t talked to in ages but maybe they could help types” to reach out THEN get to work customizing each email.

Using the “Hi Kelly” example above:

• If someone is a design guru, or has website expertise, ask them to comment on your site redesign. Why imagine that someone (aka me) who is spending more time on Substack than Wordpress would have a useful opinion.

• If someone is your target market, ask them if they wouldn’t mind testing the site for navigation or other issues. Ask for their feedback as a user. If I’m not told how or why I’m in a target market, I’m sorry, I’m just not stretching my curiosity to figure that out.

• If someone has experience with affiliate marketing, seek them out on that. See what feedback or ideas or suggestions they have for you. Same goes for advertising. For the record, I have ZERO experience in both of these areas.

• If you’re seeking investors, do NOT send to a “We are looking for early stage investors, so please let me know if any come to mind” ask to anyone, ever. No person who you are very loosely connected to, is going to use their valuable time and energy on this wildly unspecific wild goose chase ask. Figure out how to narrow down the ask from “early stage investors” to something more specific - which has the possibility of jolting someone into action on your behalf. Are they part of an angel syndicate? Are they BFFs with an investor you’re interested in talking to?

• I understand you’ve put a lot of work into crafting your deck…but simply attaching your updated deck will not, in the first email instance, inspire someone to open it. Do more.

Yes, you will have to spend some time and energy researching and crafting a compelling email…and that is the point here: if you want an outlay of time and energy from someone else (not to mention, a suggestion/recommendation or valuable introduction), then show the person you really do understand this networking exchange, by putting the work into your ask. If you can’t do that (because it is too much work and/or effort or some other lame excuse), then don’t bother sending the f’g email in the first place. And no, this is not a “you never know” email everyone scenario, as in you never know they might know someone or they might answer or or or…because here is what I do know: the email (above) has gone into trash, and right along with it, the sender’s reputation.

Not sure about the rest of you, but I can’t remember where I’ve put down my phone in my apt half the time…so it boggles my mind when someone imagines, after the briefest of interactions, that anyone else could ever recall meeting them…without a hint of a prompt or reminder aka a bit of context on where our paths crossed.

Yes, this networking f’up is one which drives me nuts…as you can easily avoid tripping face first into this preventable networking no f’g no.

OK, now for a wee bit of context for this networking rant.

The sender fired off an email to someone she loosely crossed paths with at a large industry conference, that read (note: names removed to protect the transgressor, punctuation has been left in place! and I’ve added a few notes in italics…):

[Insert Email Recipient’s Name] ! — (! Exclamation point added in the salutation for an extra boost of congeniality and connection???)

I recently _________________interviewed __________________and we talked all about unique challenges for women in ________________.

I think you'll really enjoy it, so I wanted to send it your way. Excited to hear what you think! (note: adding ! is not likely to drive podcast downloads)

Warmly,
[Sender’s Name Here]

PS - Here’s a link to my Calendly, if you'd like to schedule a chat. Always great to talk with you, friend! (note: friend! just no. and no words, as there was no conversation, just an email).

You’ll see, none of the one-sentence context I have provided to you dear reader, appears in the original email outreach. 

And without the littlest bit of context…guess the f what! The recipient who is a very f’g busy, highly focused individual…has no f’g clue on who the sender is…no f’g clue…making the “always great to talk with you, friend!” more than just a little ironic (and more additive to a “who the f is the person!” reaction in the mind of the recipient, which IMHO is a very human, and natural reaction).

So the not knowing…means the email gets fast-tracked to trash (or spam) and the interview (which, who knows! perhaps the recipient would have enjoyed listening to), is ignored.

Big f’g networking fail by the sender!

You many be asking yourself…how could the sender have improved the chances of their email being read?

Excellent question. And keep reading.

Simply by providing a reminder to the recipient on how, when and where they f’g met/crossed paths and what was said/pleasantries exchanged/whatever, just something to provide the recipient with some minimal foundation as to why this f’g email, filled with friendly exclamation points, is in their inbox. 

That is all that is needed. A little f’g context.

And perhaps fewer exclamation points.

Let me provided you with an example - on getting this type of networking outreach right - from my own inbox: 

Years ago I spoke at Pace Law School to participants in a unique program for women lawyers returning to the practice of law. Then years after my presentation, one of the participants reached out via email. Years later, I remember her outreach (even if I don’t really remember the event or anyone else who was in attendance all that much). The communication, I received opened along the lines of: “you may not remember me, but we met at [Pace Law School event]. I commented on your great shoes and you made a comment about my brightly colored glasses, then I asked you about_____”. The sender then proceeded to seek my advice (similar to the example which started this networking rant). Because the sender set the context of when and how we met - the place, the event, a dialog (which even if I didn’t remember it precisely sounds EXACTLY like something I would say) - this for me, was an easy email query to respond to (and hopefully provide something useful to the sender, rather than responding with “how do I know you?” - which roughly translates to “why should I care?” - or “why are you bugging me?” - or “who the f do you think you are for trespassing into my inbox?”).  

You, me, the sender of the email, all of us have a deep human need to be seen, recognized, acknowledged (not simply a need to have an interview we’ve conducted listened to and commented upon) AND that deep human need has a better chance of being fulfilled if we just f’g help remind the other person of the how, when, where! 

Pro-tip: state the how/when/where context up-front! Provide the prompt in the first sentence of the first email outreach! Exclamation points truly added for emphatic emphasis here.

Pew survey says, 8 in 10 don’t answer phone calls from phone numbers they don’t recognize so…why the f would you expect someone to respond to an email from a person they don’t immediately recognize???? BTW - I have yet to meet anyone who truly enjoys spending their unpaid/leisure/personal time responding to random emails from persons unknown. So do yourself a favor, by doing them the courtesy of laying it out in the first email - the how, when, where - do this to quickly transport the recipient’s mind down memory lane to the moment you crossed paths with them, so that they are more likely to take the time to respond in a meaningful way to you.

In short…add context to spark memorability, never assume you or the initial interaction ever was particularly memorable.

Note for new readers of my networking pro-tip rants: I am not commenting on the “here’s my Calendly” shit as I’ve ranted on that networking annoyance of mine previously.

As in never.

Unless you’re the sort who approaches a complete stranger IRL with the line “hey, I’ve got an opportunity you should hear about, make yourself available on Tuesday at 3 pm for a meeting with me on this”then by all means slip into the DMs with your Calendly link…as subsequently blocking you on social media will be less awkward than an in-person interaction.

This little gem of query landed in my inbox recently:

Hey Kelly, wanted to make sure you saw this!

We help businesses automate their lead qualification process with Ai.

We have helped 105+ businesses automate a task with Ai.

Based on our initail reaserch Kelly, it looks like we might be able to help real estate agents automate their lead qualification process!

Kelly, do you or any real estate agents in your network need this service?

Email back or Book a call to speak with me here: [calendly link inserted here]

Luke Kappes
CEO of Kappes Tech

Oh, Luke.

Yes, dear readers I quickly assigned Luke to my spam folder and then…crafted this post on how I would have liked to have responded to Luke.

Dear Luke, (if that really is your name, and you really are a real person with a real business),

If you’ve helped 105+ businesses automate their lead qualification process, I’m guessing you’ve been far too busy to work on an accurate lead generation process for your own business. If you had, then you’d know I’m not a real estate agent or in the real estate business. Not that I don’t have real estate agents in my network or have close friends in real estate or friends who are friends with real estate agents…but if I’m scrolling through my network sourcing leads for you…what does that say about your lead qualification process?

Does Ai in your business mean “Annoying Inquiries” (which your multiple emails have become)?

Or “Asinine Intelligence”? If I could make a suggestion Luke (in addition to using spellcheck) that you finesse your own lead qualification process before seeking to guide others with theirs.

Warmest regards (not really, but it seemed nicer to end this with “warmest regards” than “now, piss-off’ which in fact, is what I’m really saying),

Now joking aside there is a lesson here…if you’re tapping your network for business, (making statements on the service or outcome you can deliver) make sure you’re delivering the results you’re promising to the other person, for yourself first. Selling time management tools and you’re never on time…not buying. Pitching automated lead qualification, all the while seeking leads from a random, definitely not-qualified stranger…not buying. In some instances YOU may be your first best proof-of-success customer - which is a far better position to pitch business from than being a Luke.

I hate small talk. It’s boring and rather awkward, and typically I find myself at gatherings in a circle chatting aimlessly and endlessly about a topic (the weather or sports) with no obvious purpose, all the while wondering what I can add to the banality, I mean conversation.

Help!

Struggling with Small Talk

Ok Struggling -

I am sorry to disappoint you, but small talk is important.

There are health benefits - it is mood booster and can help dispel loneliness - when it signals to someone that they are “seen”.

It is the social lubricant to ease the friction of social atrophy (to borrow from psychotherapist Esther Perel). Regardless of endless Zoom gatherings, my guess is that as a result of 2020/2021, there are many people who suffer from social atrophy, and are still figuring out (uncomfortably?) what it means to work a room today.

To help you stop pissing on it, I’m going to encourage you to imagine small talk like a welcome mat. You can endlessly wipe your feet on or piss on it, all the while ignoring the signals someone is giving you to enter into a fuller conversation, or you can treat the small talk welcome mat with curiosity, as it is an anticipatory pause before the mutual possibility of choosing to step into the more expansive conversation, you seem to long for.

Dismissing the value small talk before it even starts, means you’re not listening, and when you’re not listening, you missing out on all the social cues which could indicate how to expand that “boring” small talk into bigger “meaningful” talk.

Not listening is a social epidemic - IMHO.

But focusing you YOU.

Listen - fully - to the answer your small talk question elicits (instead of wordlessly dwelling on how boring small talk is). “Fine” can be a small answer to a ‘How are you” small talk question, or the tone of voice (tired? mischievous? nervous? exited?) + body language etc. could make you just a little curious, leading to a follow-up question, then another…and before you know it you’re tumbling into bigger talk.

And aim to answer small talk questions meaningfully. If you’re dismissing the value of small talk, I suspect you may be spewing out very small answers too…I am right?

Give small talk another try, ok?

K.

p.s. And one more thing. If you’re thinking after reading this “ok, Kelly, I hear you but I’m going to go find a list of ice-breaker conversation starters and have a few of those handy instead”, I can tell you this: IF the first question out of your mouth is “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” or “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?”*, your question is likely to lead to more awkwardness than the “banal” small talk you dismiss.

*BTW I pulled those 2 examples from an actual list circulated of “favorite” big talk questions.

What's the max # of days to be delayed in responding to an email before an apology is technically necessary? In today's world of expected instant communications, even those with great communications skills and busy schedules don't finish everyone on the to-do list in 24 hours. 

- High Expectation Henrietta

Oh Henrietta -

May I strongly recommend you start using the “out of office” or “autoresponder” feature on your email, as I suspect you don’t want to be perceived as rude (you’re just getting to those pesky emails at a time that works for you, which is what you should be doing, other people’s unrealistic expectations be damned!).

Turn on the autoresponder / out of office / vacation message feature for your email - then use it 24/7! Don’t wait till you’re jetting off somewhere or having a nervous breakdown due to email hostility. Use the autoresponder to set expectations. Tell people when they will hear back from you then faithfully stick to that promise, to yourself and to them (by way of example, one entrepreneur I know tells people precisely when, as in between what hours of the day along with which days of the week, she checks email).

BTW you can find some ideas on what to say (and why), in this decade old, but clearly still timely Fast Company article “The Greatest Productivity Tool You Never Thought Of: Email Autoresponder”.

Ok, hope this suggestion relieves your email response-time stress.

K.

Time to address (again) the elephant in the networking room: the fear of asking.

Too often, we stifle our questions for fear of seeming incompetent or fear of being needy, or the fear of seeming vulnerable.

As highlighted in a New York Times article, the fear of the potential reciprocity can also deter us from seeking help.

Networking is fundamentally grounded in reciprocity and balance. Someone may have helped us in a time of need, AND that does not necessarily mean we owe them a massive debt. What it does mean is that we should be ready and willing to lend a hand when they need it.

Interestingly, our reluctance to ask for help may not stem from complex issues like imposter syndrome or intense office dynamics or “what can I ever do for them” reciprocity fears. It could simply be because we don’t want to inconvenience others. This is a valid concern, AND it shouldn’t prevent you from asking for help.

Consider this advice from my book, Build Your Dream Network:

“The key is to know what people are capable of taking on and what’s going on in their lives at any moment. So you know how you can help them and what you can reasonably ask them to do.”

‘What you can reasonably ask them to do”. Key phrase folks.

Before you discard your ‘ask’ as inconvenient, consider whether it is too cumbersome, and ask yourself:

1. Can I break my ask down into smaller, more manageable parts?

2. Have I checked to see if the other person has the capacity to help?

3. Can I deliver my ask in a straightforward manner without causing inconvenience?

Making your ask clear and convenient for the other person (to provide an answer) is the key.

Here’s my ask for you: let me know if this advice resonates with you.

And, go ahead, ask for help when you need it - you might be pleasantly surprised by the response.

What's the correct etiquette for random LI outreaches from people I've not met or connected with but who are part of a larger group to which I belong (i.e. Chief)? Is there a best practice or rule of thumb? 

- Polite Polly 

Ok Polly,

As the recipient of the outreach you’re describing, my strong guidance is that simple, direct requests to connect are the way to go, as simple as ‘Hi ______, we’re both members of _______ and I’m also a [if this other person is in the same line of work or whatever as you]. I’d love to connect to learn more about your [career / business / whatever]’ or ‘Hi _______, we’re both members of _____ and I’m interested in making direct connections with other members who are __________ [state your desired reason here]. Any chance we can schedule time to connect at ________”.

Two or three lines of genuine get-to-the-point connection. No need to drone on as to the why of your outreach and! and! and! start your outreach with the common bond (the membership group) as that immediately makes you, a stranger, a little less strange.

Ok, hope that’s clear as that’s all I’ve got on this one.

K.

p.s. What’s your Is It OK to….question?

How many times is it approach to contact any investor with feedback on a company submitted before it gets annoying? Things get lost in email and people are super busy, so what's the right cadence? 3 emails? once a week? 

- Founder Fiona

Ok, Fiona -

Your networking question sounds like it is coming from a rather anxious-eager-to-please-and-get-it-right-cause-I-need-the-money-active-fundraising perspective. Am I right? If yes, my answer MAY not be the quick-fix salve you’re seeking.

Because in two word answer (without more facts and my very strong opinion that what is the right communication strategy for one investor is NOT the strategy for every investor), to your communication cadence question, is…it depends.

Cadence depends on (and this is BY NO MEANS a full, and complete list of factors which could have an effect on the investor’s response rate to your email outreach):

• your relationship with the investor (prior connection, just met, old buddies, or a WTFRU reaction to your cold outreach);

• what you know about how the investor seeks new investments (is their investment funnel primarily through their network or do they actively welcome unsolicited inbound pitches);

• what you know about how the investor operates (do they hand out their email address freely - then immediately forget how to log into it, are they preoccupied with putting out fires with their exiting portfolio companies…);

• how they are investing right here, right now at this very moment (sector, series, status of their fund, state of the market, treasury bond yields etc.);

• the month of the year you’re trying to get their attention (vacations, holidays, school breaks etc. sideline the best of intentions and email inboxes); and

• insert any number of business, technology, personality and/or life factors here.

Ok, with so many unknowns working against your self-imposed fundraising timeline, what’s an anxious founder to do?

Focus on what you can control.

Here’s what immediately pops to mind for me, as I ponder your situation:

1. You control the agenda for your venture. Remind yourself of this each time you go to your laptop to craft an email to an investor asking for feedback or money or both. Does the investor operate on the same timeline as you, who knows but I suspect not. Remind yourself that while it is your venture and your agenda, you can’t impose these two items on someone else simply because you stated it to be so in an f’g email.

2. You should remind yourself (constantly) that there is no “any investor”. An investor is not an ATM. There is not a one-size-fits-all-communication-outreach formula that you can plug your pitch into which then causes money to suddenly spit out in the amount, on the terms and in alignment with your desired timing.

3. You should also remind yourself (frequently) that no one cares about your product-service-venture as much as you do. Not your mom. Neither your first employee nor your first paying customer. You. You f’g love your venture the most. You love it more than anyone - as you should, as that love and belief in what you are doing/building/creating/disrupting provides the stamina to get you through the lack of responses to your outreach and other fundraising BS.

So, after reminding yourself of 1, 2 and 3 above (I know, I know, once again I’m terribly f’g sorry there is not a handy-dandy communication checklist for this journey through fundraising hell you have embarked on), do this:

Assume best intentions (i.e. the investor is not a rude asshat, she or he just lost your email or the dog ate it).

Craft a personal message - as in you (not a template or “a friend used this email and it worked for them”), you should write the type of email which if the inbox tables were turned, you would not be thinking ‘who is the asshat sending me this!” upon reading your own email.

After the first email, send a “just popping this to the top of your inbox” (forwarding the first email) email, after that you may want to add a “hey, the reason I’m enthusiastic to talk to you about my venture is__________________ [networking pro-tip: this is where insights on the investor come in handy!], if that is of interest to you, I’d love to get your feedback on what I’m building”.

Now whether there should be additional email outreach to the non-responsive investor after this “hey” third email - sigh - I return to my original answer - it depends. So Fiona, you can email me more facts, as for now, this is what I’ve got.

Ok?

K.

p.s. Got a Is It OK to… question, I’d love to hear from you.